A Conversation
Recently, at one of the CTC’s pastor couple retreats, a senior pastor told me, “Nobody asks me who my close friends are and who I’m confiding in these days. Nobody talks to me like this.”
During the conversation, I asked the pastor if his colleagues felt they could ask him tough, probing, but appropriate questions. He indicated that this was a very rare occurrence. They just did what he asked them to do and “left him be.” Could it be that the pastor has isolated himself from others so much that life and ministry check-ins are no longer possible? As in any walk of life, the higher you go in leadership, the more isolated you become. Although he never meant to cut himself off from colleagues, he found himself without talking partners and feeling emotionally exhausted from carrying the weight of senior leadership. I imagined with him what it would take to re-engage with his colleagues and become a healthier human being.
Connection vs. Isolation
Pastors, like everyone else, need to have trusted friends who will interact with them in ways that encourage relational connectedness. My observation is that pastors and other ministry leaders are some of the busiest people around, and yet they are also among the most isolated. Perhaps out of insecurity or fear, they are reticent to allow themselves to be vulnerable, avoiding situations and conversations that could reveal their limitations and doubts.
Trinity’s Center for Transformational Churches recently partnered with Geneva Benefits Group of the PCA to gather data from nearly 1000 pastors. The summary report, “Pastoral Wellness,” may be found on Geneva’s website – genevabenefits.org/wellbeing-services. Among other findings, the study revealed that a primary challenge pastors face today is isolation. Sadly, other research on pastoral wellbeing over the years confirms this finding. No wonder so many pastors consider leaving or leave pastoral ministry.
The pandemic was especially isolating for pastors. While Covid-19 threatened the physical wellness of pastors and their staffs, it also strained relationships and prevented close effectual teamwork. Many pastors were already struggling before Covid-19, and for many, that time hastened their exit from pastoral ministry.
Another ongoing concern is pastors’ general wellbeing—particularly their physical health. According to Duke’s Clergy Health Initiative, many pastors struggle to take care of themselves. A pastor’s stress level is often high, which can contribute to physical problems.
Praise God, all the news about pastor wellbeing is not gloom and doom. For example, there is some good news about pastors cultivating interpersonal connections. In a recent study, the Hartford Institute for Religious Research discovered that almost 70% of the reporting pastors are now involved in peer support groups. Pastors need people that they can safely confide in. They also need places where they can connect with fellow human beings and not be presumed upon as spiritual leaders. It is very hard for pastors to turn off their public pastoral role. When they go to the store or to a game, they are still “the pastor,” and there is a good chance they will be recognized as such. Few other professions bear this weight of a continual identity marker.
Pastoral Wellbeing Themes
So, in light of these challenges and opportunities, what does it take as a ministry leader to thrive and not just survive? Five original themes surfaced from our Resilient Ministry research—areas that pastors need to constantly monitor. A sixth theme emerged from the recent Geneva Benefits study mentioned earlier. I invite masters and Ph.D. students at TEDS to be mindful of these six themes at the very beginning of their ministries and continue to pay attention to them through every season of their lives.
1. Abiding in Christ
Many pastors admit they struggle with simply abiding in Christ (John 15). They tell us things like, “The ministry itself is the biggest inhibitor to my personal walk with the Lord.” They also say things like, “I lead worship. I encourage others to worship, yet I struggle to personally enter into worship.” Or they say, “I’m busy planning sermons and studying, but I don’t have time to just meditate on God’s Word and pray. It’s a struggle.” These statements are startling to hear from pastors and indicate the degree to which they face challenges in their walks with the Lord.
Abiding in Christ is not something that happens automatically for any believer, and it can be especially difficult for ministry leaders. In fact, the Center’s working definition of “resilience” is, “Struggling well together with hopeful perseverance in Christ.” That obviously is only possible by being in Christ and, as Paul says in Galatians 5, “keeping in step with the Spirit.”
2. Self-stewardship
The second theme we have identified is self-stewardship. Much of the literature on this topic refers to it as self-care. For those who have not been exposed to the importance of this concept, it can sound selfish but is not at all. It simply means setting aside valuable time to regularly rest and refresh; take a vacation with family; enjoy a hobby; or simply take a walk to enjoy God’s creation. We encourage ministry leaders to embrace God’s design for creational rhythms of work and rest.
We all know we need to exercise, eat right, and get enough sleep. You cannot beat that holistic trinity in terms of physical health. That is how God made us. Our bodies need regular maintenance. When I talk with pastors and their spouses about taking care of themselves, they often say, “Oh, yeah. We would feel a lot better if we paid more attention to those things, we know…” Well, they actually would! Take a moment to consider, what is your plan to embrace healthy practices?
A pastor’s job can be so overwhelming. There is an awful lot on their plates and not much time for themselves. If any of us do not steward our time and take appropriate care of ourselves, there will be less and less of our energy and attention available to serve our congregations and communities.
3. Healthy relationships
Here, I am primarily referring to a pastor’s marriage and family, but it is also important to pay attention to all relationships in general—friendships, extended family, ministry associates, neighbors.
It is said that the only person who is lonelier and more isolated than the pastor tends to be the pastor’s spouse. Also, the only person who is happier than the pastor when they have friends outside of the church ecosystem is the pastor’s spouse. Our research has shown that spouses of pastors report they are happiest when they work outside of the home and have friends outside the church. It demonstrates that they are being active human beings. They indicate healthy relationships within the church energize them to engage the community. Thus, their entire identity is not as the spouse of the pastor, with all of the expectations that brings, but is rooted in Christ as they bear witness to the gospel in every relationship they enjoy.
4. Emotional and cultural intelligence
This theme deals with both self-awareness and healthy connectivity with others, which means not being absorbed by them or they by you. Our research shows that the healthiest pastors are regularly engaged with folks who are not just like them. This may be with neighbors or other friends from their community or it may be with colleagues from other regional or international contexts. These friends could be Christians who have views that are different than the pastor’s or they could be non-Christians with whom the pastor maintains respectful dialogue.
If you actively engage with people who are quite different than you, it does not mean you compromise your beliefs or superficially agree to “tolerate” one another. It involves practicing generous judgment with those with whom you share deep differences but with whom you are willing to cultivate healthy relationships.
5. Gospel healthy leadership
Pastors are regularly surprised by how much administrative work there is in pastoral ministry. That is not why they pursued the call to be a pastor and perhaps went to seminary, and it is often not what they took away from seminary. But it sure does consume a lot of their time! It is most likely where the majority of their energy is spent during a typical week in vocational ministry.
This administrative work is constantly navigated and negotiated among people with whom the pastor has various levels of relationship. Here is a helpful insight from leadership experts Heifetz and Linsky for pastors. The authors articulate the importance of realizing the difference between confidants and allies. A pastor normally has many allies over the span of a pastoral ministry, but only a few true confidants. The authors point out that if leaders like pastors mistake an ally for a confidant, it usually results in misunderstandings and relationship breakdown. If the pastor shares personal struggles with an ally, thinking that person is a confidant, the ally cannot bear the weight of the vulnerable sharing and most likely will share it with someone who may or not be an understanding ally of the pastor. At best, clarifying conversations ensue. At worst, forced exits occur.
During the daily work of the pastor, it is imperative to interact with allies and confidants with gospel transparency according to the tolerance levels those valuable partners can stand. Allies share foundational values and confidants go beyond this foundation by offering deep availability and accountability to the pastor. Consider, who is with you and for you?
6. Finances
A finding from our most recent study indicated that pastors are very concerned about their finances and financial planning. Pastors do not get much help when it comes to planning financially for themselves and their families…and that’s alarming. How can local churches, agencies, and organizations assist pastors to address their current financial challenges and ongoing financial planning needs?
Summary
Monitoring these six themes is a lifelong process. I am encouraged when I think about pastors who are mature in their leadership and who recognize their ongoing sanctification. They recognize they have wonderful opportunities to serve the Lord and embrace the reality of needing to continue learning and deepening their faith. In short, they have resisted being the hero of their own story. I have prayed that so-called “hero leadership” would die with my generation but its enticements offer promises of self-sufficiency and adoration to coming generations I fear too many will be inclined to clutch.
Echoing the Lord Jesus’ exhortation in John 15, Peter offers timeless wisdom to pastors and ministry leaders in his first letter about humility, teachability, and abiding security in Christ. I find myself returning to his Spirit-inspired wisdom, particularly from 1 Peter 5, time and time again and encouraging students and pastors to reflect deeply on these truths as well.
I have a longtime friend who is the pastor of a large church. Through a magnificent work of God, after all these decades, he has remained humble, teachable, and secure in Christ. I recently remarked to him, “I’m so glad you’re still you!” He responded, “I’m just a servant of the Lord. In God’s kindness, he reminds me daily who He is and who I am as His child.”
May it be so with each of us.
